From Brokenness to Restoration
The other day, I was looking for some information. And where do we go these days if we're looking for information? Google, of course! I was trying to find something about relationships, and I was stunned by what I found. Do a Google search for “broken relationship” and you'll get results! There are over 7 MILLION 620 thousand hits dealing with the subject, and it took less than a quarter of a second to find them all. It made me think that each one of those search results was tied into someone's broken relationship. It made me think of my broken relationship with my dad.
I don't know what your relationship is like with your father, but I was not nearly as close to my dad as I would have liked. I feel like I missed out on so much; I must drive my sisters crazy asking questions like, “what was it like growing up with Dad?” “How did Dad do this?” “How did he deal with having four teenage daughters at the same time?” When my father died I was a teenager, still with a lot of questions about life, and now without a father to process those questions.
My relationship with my father was fractured; his alcohol abuse caused him to withdraw, and he showed little interest in my life. Consequently, I didn't have a strong emotional bond with him, and that effects me still today. I have had to make choices to intentionally replace behaviors that were modeled for me by my father so that I wouldn't raise my own children in the same kind of environment in which I was raised. There were many times when I felt very alone.
However, I know I'm not alone in feeling that I have some fractured relationships; we all have broken relationships of one kind or another. There are too many broken relationships in our lives today: dysfunctional families, fractured friendships, and strained relations with co-workers are prime examples. All of these bonds can be broken, and none of us enjoy walking barefoot among the shards of shattered relationships. They hurt, in deepest places that we never really talk about. Some mothers and daughters can't see eye to eye; the teenage years can become a battleground instead of a nurturing preparation for adulthood. Sometimes we talk to members of our family through clenched teeth and strained faces because we get so frustrated with choices that have been made.
Our friendships aren't exempt from this broken condition, either. Friends come and go, and sometimes the “going” can't be fast enough for our taste! There's that co-worker who just rubs you the wrong way, or that boss who won't seem to listen to reason, or that close friend who manages to know just what buttons to push. It seems that the better a person knows you, the more they have the potential to cause you pain. And humanly speaking, no one knows you better than your family, right?
That's really what we've been we've been looking at in our Genesis study: a series of family portraits that give us insight in to what's happening in our own lives. It's good to know that I didn't invent the dysfunctional family – I can certainly see it in this morning's story of Joseph and his brothers. I probably don't need to give too much background to this particular story – a lot of people are familiar with how Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers as a young man, and how he became the number two man in Egypt. But that's just back story for this morning... for one day, Joseph saw faces from his past that must have brought up all that pain and anguish from his family's choice to abandon him.
Can you picture what that must have been like? There's Joseph, working at his job, and his brothers who literally ditched and sold him show up and they don't even recognize him! He's in a position of power and authority, and he can really make them pay for what they did to him. And as much as I want for Joe to be a nice guy, he gives in. He decides to mess with their minds, and for three chapters he does just that. But deep in the story, we see signs that even though Joseph uses the situation to his advantage, he still cares for his brothers. He takes them out to dinner; he makes sure they're comfortable; he even has to excuse himself from the table and go cry because he's so overcome with emotion at seeing them again. But... he doesn't let them off the hook. He doesn't pretend as if nothing is wrong, and hopes that the problem will go away.
In fact, Joseph sets up a showdown - the confrontation between him, his brothers, and the truth. When we read Gen 44:1-13, we can see that Joseph has arranged it so that his brothers would be put under a lot of stress – they were going to lose Benjamin to slavery, just like they'd sold Joseph. They knew that this bad news would kill their father, and they couldn't let that happen. If these brothers didn't do something, and do it fast, their youngest brother was going to be lost, and their family was going to be destroyed. But what could they do? Joseph had all the power, and the brothers were at his mercy. So, they did the only thing they really could do... they told the truth.
Joe breaks down in tears, and forgives them. He lets them know who he is, and that he will not hold a grudge against them for their previous action – in fact, Joseph says that God used the situation to save all of their lives. This act of forgiveness on Joseph's part paves the way for reconciliation between him and his brothers. It takes a few more chapters for the details of how that reconciliation works out, but their family is restored.
You know, that's not just a nice bedtime story with the moral “be nice to each other”. God partners with broken people to restore relationships; He wants to see people reconciled with each other, and reconciled with Him. I see in that story three tools that God uses to mend broken people. The first tool that God uses is Truth. We can't be set free from anything in our past unless we're willing to admit it. This does not mean that we're going to set up a microphone and have a time of public confession; however, it does mean that those relationships in our lives that are fractured need the light of Truth to shine on them before any healing can take place.
The second tool that I see in the text is repentance. The Greek word for repentance means “to think in a new direction”, and that really captures the essence of what it's all about. When we agree with someone we've hurt that we've damaged them, it becomes a crucial step in the process of restoring that relationship.
That third tool I see is forgiveness. We've got to be willing to think in a new direction when it comes to holding onto grudges and past hurts, or we'll never get free from them. Forgiveness isn't about letting the other person off the hook; it's about letting go of the right to hold someone in judgment for how we feel they've wronged us. Joseph forgave his brothers, and their broken family was able to be put back together again.
The Genesis writer caps off the story of Joseph and his brothers with the idea that restoration of relationship is crucial to God's design for his people. This is the pattern for Christ's rescue of mankind – we tell Jesus the truth of our rebellion against Him; we repent of our sin; he reconciles us himself and restores our relationship with God. God partners with broken people to restore relationships.
That kind of restoration doesn't “just happen” without God's presence. It's not in our nature to grant that kind of forgiveness. I was recently reminded by one of our students of a popular philosophical quote: “Forgive, but don't forget.” But forgiveness is God's specialty. He longs for restored relationship with us.
Can you see how important restoration is? Can you imagine what our lives would be like if we went to those we know we've offended and did whatever it took to make it right? God partners with broken people to restore relationships. Let me close with this true story of how He partnered with some friends of mine to restore their relationship.
Rick was a young professional, on his way up the corporate ladder and frequently far from home. Ronnie, his young wife, held down the home fort with their two children. Life seemed idyllic until Ronnie discovered that Rick was having an affair with another woman in one of the cities he frequented during his business travels. Divorce seemed immanent, and the marital bond seemed irreparable. The loss of his relationship and children were the cost of Ricks “freedom”. But God began working in Rick, and somehow he realized that his marriage and children were worth more than the fruits of his irresponsibility. He came clean to Ronnie, and begged her forgiveness. He quit his job, took a local position as a salesman, and started the long slow process of rebuilding his marriage. It's a tough road, but they're walking it together.
God partners with broken people to restore relationships. Let's join Him in that process today.